1. Why I don’t want to go to bed tonight
I’m too excited by new ideas and possibilities.
I don’t do standing still.
If I don’t keep working on this now, when will I next get the chance to?
I love spending time with my girls (now!) but I also need this brain-augmentation, this challenge, this flexing of intellectual muscle.
I need this to work.
WE ALL need this to work, fast.
Time is of the essence.
What will happen if I’m too late? (Being wrong is not an issue.)
2. Why I SHOULD go to bed, and beyond that, why I SHOULD take the summer off without any technology!
When it starts rolling, it will snowball. Then I’ll have no time either and it will be crazier than anything I’ve experienced before.
How will I keep myself together?
How will I find a pace that works for me, long-term, rather than crazy burnout? (Simple – I need a watcher.)
How will I know who to bring on board, who to trust, who to hire? Will I be able to do that successfully? I’m NOT having another bloody Nidau!
What if I can’t do that?……….
3. What happens if I do go to bed earlier and limit my research time?
I’ll be better rested, happier, enjoy my days more, enjoy the girls more. BUT I’ll get less done, fact. I’ll get stuff done slower. This NEEDS concentration and a certain number of hours spending on it. 10,000 hours, says Malcolm Gladwell, and who am I to argue?
4. What to do?
Live a healthy but boring life. Cut all the crap eg TV. Do 3 things only: look after me, look after girls, research and build the business.
But what about FUN? What about wider interests? How is that “looking after me” when I NEED music, friends, laughter, time, art, landscapes, travel, adventures, good food and wine?
How do successful CEOs like Jimmy Wales and Guy Kawasaki make sure they spend enough time with their kids? Great WIVES?! Homeschooling? Do they just NOT?
I could try to be more focused with my research time. But that’s hard when it’s ‘balls in the air’ stage. It could ALL be useful – and I certainly am finding things converging, amazing examples to admire, envy and promote!
First they ignore you.
Then they laugh at you.
Then they fight you.
Then you win.
Maybe I DO need to find a partner.
But maybe that’s just female insecurity. There’s only one Einstein. Only one Chomsky. Only one Bertrand Piccard. Only one PAZZA.
Thatcher only slept four hours a night. That would be perfect for me. But since I need 8-10 hours sleep a night, I need to find another 4-6 hours elsewhere!
Curses. I need a bloody life coach!
Or Marco to support me, share the childcare, put me to bed.
5. What if?
Maybe I need to sketch out a timeline. I’m always asking people for timelines, budgets! Now I need my own. For the ‘big unknown’. Well, maybe having some deadlines (lifelines?), some launches to work towards, some areas of work defined, I could get some tangible progress going, see if things are happening.
Wasn’t supposed to do that until September.
But can’t wait. Can’t stand still!
But need the R&R.
What to DO??!!!
Stop giving myself a hard time? Stop judging myself? Just be curious, explore, think, write… but don’t judge it. DON’T TAKE ON ANY CHALLENGES RIGHT NOW!
I feel like when I came back from India in 1995, and I was raring to go, to get engaged again. That carried me a long way, but perhaps I drifted. Now I’m more experienced, more confident. More clever. I have some cash to buy me time. I know people, people know me. My reputation is pretty consistent. This time I’ll go full tilt for my chance at the big one. I could’ve been a contender… I still can.
I have to assume this will work, therefore I will end up at the epicentre for a decade or so. Perhaps I should sketch out the ‘best possible case’ for the next decade. (Or seven years, or five.) With some sleep, some breaks! Some fun! Some fuckups along the way!
“In the next 3/5/7/10 years I will help one billion people.”
Through improved standards of living.
Which means – excuse the shorthand – women in control of their lives, families, businesses, futures. Safety, healthcare, education, water, food, sanitation, shelter.
Guys, you’ve had your chance, and you blew it. Sorry.
Which means, a fundamental change in the way the world works. Politically and economically. But nothing that we can’t agree on, nothing that isn’t OBVIOUS and SIMPLE (not saying it’s easy!)
Does democracy have to mean that every person’s vote counts equally, that we end up with an idiocracy? No. It can also mean that every village sends their most capable member to the council, and so on up. Luckily, stupid people tend not to bother to vote, stupid representatives tend not to be very persuasive. However, we haven’t yet solved the problem of the greedy and malicious, who do well out of the current system. Why? Because it’s set up like that. It’s set up to keep more intelligent, fair-minded, honest people out. That’s why it needs radical change. That’s why social media offers a grand opportunity to blow traditional politics out of the water. Current politics is just feudalism in disguise. How do we know? Because the rich keep getting richer, the poor keep getting poorer, and it’s pretty obvious that the wrong people are in parliament, the Civil service and the councils. NOT the most capable, fair and honest. It’s a system made by men, for men. But it’s also changing. And it needs brave women like me to step up and do something brave and amazing.
I know what I won’t do – I have my Nonifesto.
I know my Rules.
I will do that which uses my intelligence and experience, to the best of my abilities, to achieve maximum change in minimum time.
Which means: big, brave, loud, fast. Succeed = great. Fail = learn, try again.
Bigger, braver, louder, faster. DUMB and DUMBERER.
At any point I can ask myself: “Is this the best use of my precious, limited time?” (Hence not taking on any challenge, unless it can be proven that it’s the best use of my precious, limited time.) (Sometimes the answer will be: sleep. Often: play with my girls (for my benefit as much as for theirs). Sometimes: tidy up! Yes! It’s possible! Sometimes: do nothing in particular, just mooch, throw a few things out ot make some space, stand on the step and watch the murder mile go by… stop worrying. I’ve got TOTALLY in the habit of worrying. Gotta stop that. Worrying is almost NEVER a good use of my precious, limited time. But writing is.)
And now for some sleep. Got an early start in … er … 3&1/2 hours!